he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
FUCK WHALES
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
