I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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