If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
