i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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