After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
