You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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