You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
