Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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