My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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