I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
