the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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