maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
