It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
