2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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