guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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