I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I cannot find my penis.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
