Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
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