Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Is it penis luge time yet?
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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