And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
