Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
