me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
