How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
