Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
