I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
