I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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