When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
