I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
