He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
