Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
