the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
