i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
