I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Swine flu is the new snow day.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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