Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
