Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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