I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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