I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
