dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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