that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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