and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
