She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
