There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
