Where are you?
In a non slutty way
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
