adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
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My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
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I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
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