Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize