I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
