I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Found your dick twin last night
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
