I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
should my penis look like a turkey
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
