My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I need a burrito and a hug.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
