Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
