It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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