Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
