Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
