I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
