I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
