I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
this hospital has no fireball
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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