Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
