Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
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Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
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you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize