He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
