I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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