All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
