Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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