u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
