I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Come see our sink grown plant.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Randomize
