I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
only you would photoshop your dick
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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