my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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