trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
